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Blonde   jokes...

(all of these jokes are clean... but funny nonetheless)

Subject:  Telephone pole

Two blondes are trying to measure a telephone pole. They keep 
trying to climb it and keep sliding down.

Along comes this really big, musclebound guy and says, 
"Hey, what are you two doing?" The two blondes say, "We're trying 
to measure the height of this pole."

The guy wraps his arms around the pole, pulls it out of the 
ground, lays it down and measures it. Then he picks it up, puts 
it back in the ground, says "40 feet" and walks away.

The first blonde says to the other, "What an idiot - we 
wanted the *height*, not the width."

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Subject:  Drive in

Did you hear about the two blondes that were found frozen to
death in their car at the drive in?  Yeah, they went to see
"Closed For The Winter."

======================================================================

Subject:  Blonde on First Class

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached 
a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that 
she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. 
The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New 
York and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked 
the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman 
asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, 
the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New 
York and I'm not moving."

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what 
should he do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I 
know how to handle this."

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's 
ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section 
mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he 
said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. 
He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

======================================================================

Subject:  Bar

Three women walk into a bar: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.  
The brunette walks up to the bartender and says, "I'll have an 
RW."
"What on earth is an RW?", the confused bartender asked.
"Why, it's a Red Wine," replies the brunette.  
Then the redhead walks up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a 
WW."
"Okay, let's see.  RW means Red Wine, so WW must mean...."
"That's right, it's White Wine," replies the redhead.
Then the blonde walks up to the bartender and says, "I'll have a 
15."  
"Now wait a minute!" exclaims the bartender.  "RW is Red Wine.  
WW is obviously White Wine.  But just what the hell is a 15?"
Answers the blonde, "Why, it's a 7 and 7......"

======================================================================

Subject: On Fire!

A dumb blonde calls the fire department and says"Help me- my 
house is on fire!!"

The fireman says "Where do you live?"

The dumb blonde replies "I don't know"

The fireman asks "How do you expect us to get there?"

The dumb blonde replies sarcastically "Duhhhh, the little red 
truck"

======================================================================

Subject:  Breast Stroke

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded 
woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel 
swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second.  
The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. 
After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I 
don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used 
their arms.

======================================================================

Subject:  2 Girlfriends

Two blond girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well 
over 90 mph. "Hey," asked the blonde at the wheel, "see any cops
following us?" The other blonde turned around for a long look.
"As a matter of fact, I do." "Are his flashers on?" asked the one
driving. The other blonde turned around again.
"Yup...nope...yup...nope....yup.... "

======================================================================

Subject:  Ice

One day, a man comes home from work and finds
his blonde wife leaning over the kitchen sink and
crying.  He said, "Honey, what's wrong?" She said
between sniffles, "I...I dropped the ice cubes on the
floor, and then I rinsed  them off in hot water, and
now I can't find them."  

======================================================================

Subject: Dinner

BLONDE BRIDE: Do you want dinner?
SPOUSE  : Sure, what are my choices?
BLONDE BRIDE: Yes and no.



More   blonde   jokes...

Subject:  Hot & Cold

A blond woman walks into a store.  Curious about a shiny object, 
she asks, "What is that?"
The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
The blond then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."  So 
she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work with her.  Her boss, also a 
blond, asks, "What is that shiny object?"
She replies "It's a thermos."
He asks, "What does it do?"
She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
He then asks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

======================================================================

Subject:  A Zillion Different Blonde Jokes!

Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why do Blondes have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to re-
train them.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
How does a Blonde change a light bulb? She holds the bulb in the
socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a
regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? "Oh
look, daddy ... doughnut seeds."
-----------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? Shine a flashlight in
her ear.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't Blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to
death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see
"Closed for the Winter".
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking
the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
---------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops
a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more
coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of
course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks
up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes
before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see
I'm winning."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get
the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger
stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said
anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month
to realize she could play it at night.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in
Spring training.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the
YMCA? "Look! they spelled MACYS wrong".
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on
the other side.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on
Wednesday.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice? Because it said
'concentrate'.

Questions?      Comments?

If any of my jokes have offended you, please write me by 
clicking my e-mail address below.  Also, if you have jokes 
you'd like to share with me, please don't be shy.  Just click 
my e-mail address below, and mail me the joke.  You can also 
include your name in the e-mail, so i can appropriately credit 
it to you.  Thanks...

Jonesy

jonesla06@aol.com
6 Improv Lane
Las Vegas, NV 12345
United States


Links to my joke pages...

The home page: the very beginning
Clean, plain marriage and sex jokes: funny jokes about marriage and sex
Clean, plain, drunk jokes: funny jokes about alcohol and alcoholics
Clean, plain miscellaneous jokes: funny miscellaneous jokes
Good, plain medical jokes: funny medical jokes
Good, plain sex jokes: funny sex jokes
Good, plain miscellaneous jokes: funny miscellaneous jokes
Lawyer stereotypes: funny lawyer jokes (all jokes are clean)
Group stereotypes: funny group jokes (all jokes are clean)