Subject: Mushrooms "I was maried 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?" "She wouldn't eat the mushrooms." ====================================================================== Subject: Barbies A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out of the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was now or never, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant. When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll." The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks "Which Barbie would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Night Clubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." The man can't help himself, so he asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie $265 when all the other Barbies are selling for $19.95?" "That's obvious!" says the assistant. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture ..." ====================================================================== Subject: Jim A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out :'Is that you, Jim ?' And that cured him." "Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how ?" The neighbor said, "You see, his name is Bill." ====================================================================== Subject: Neutered An old woman was sitting alone with her cat, polishing a dusty lamp she'd found in the attic, when a genie popped out and offered her three wishes. Thinking quickly, she said, "I'd like to be rich. I'd like to be young and beautiful again. And I'd like my cat to turn into a handsome prince." There was a puff of smoke, and she found herself young and glamorous, surrounded by riches. The cat had disappeared, and a gorgeous prince stood beside her, holding out his arms. She melted into his embrace. "Now," he whispered softly in her ear, "aren't you sorry you had me neutered?" ====================================================================== Subject: Wedding Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"
The home page: the very beginning
Clean, plain, miscellaneous jokes: miscellaneous jokes
Clean, plain, drunk jokes: funny jokes about alcohol and alcoholics
Good, plain medical jokes: funny medical jokes
Good, plain sex jokes: funny sex jokes
Good, plain miscellaneous jokes: funny miscellaneous jokes
Blonde stereotypes: funny blonde jokes (all jokes are clean)
Lawyer stereotypes: funny lawyer jokes (all jokes are clean)
Group stereotypes: funny group jokes (all jokes are clean)
If any of my jokes have offended you, please write me by clicking my e-mail address below. Also, if you have jokes you'd like to share with me, please don't be shy. Just click my e-mail address below, and mail me the joke. You can also include your name in the e-mail, so i can appropriately credit it to you. Thanks...
6 Improv Lane
Las Vegas, NV 12345